saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
