thus making me awesome and them whores
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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