I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
