I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
