I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
