I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
