Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
