Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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