She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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