so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
