just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
