why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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