Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
