The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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