When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
