i can't believe i had my finger in that
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
