Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
where are my eyebrows?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
