I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i came on her dog
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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