gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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