how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
