the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
