Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
