remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
