I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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