he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
