She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
