I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
