Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
