so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
