when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
