im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
