i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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