Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
