I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
