I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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