I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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