mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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