Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
