and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
