it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
