Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
