She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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