It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
