Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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