I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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