6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
