ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
