This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
