you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
