I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
