just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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