id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
