I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
