Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
